mental traffic jam

ever had one of those nights where you can't sleep because you're having a mental traffic jam in your brain? well, i had one of those last night. i got home from pool league at a relatively decent hour (slightly before midnight) and went straight to bed. only, i couldn't sleep. at all.

i tried to attribute my sleeplessness to the bailey's/coffee i had (make that two of them) that evening but that didn't quite explain the traffic jam of thoughts leaving my brain in a frenzy. besides, i've had bailey's/coffee before on a weeknight but i've never felt quite so sleepless in a long, long time. i couldn't even really tell you all the thoughts that were rushing through my head simultaneously.. concurrently.. in chorus. it was driving me batty. i got up a couple of times to use the restroom. then i got up again to have a smoke. then i got up to drink some water and paced for a while. at one point i just sat in the living room in the dark and tried to clear my head. nothing worked. i looked at the clock every half hour or so it seemed, panicking at the thought of having to get up in 5 hours, 4 and a half hours, 3 hours, 2 hours and 15 minutes... holy shit, somebody help me fall asleep because i actually have to be productive.. at least for my junior achievement class, if not for work. finally i think my eyelids were just so heavy that i couldn't keep them open any longer and eventually i drifted off to sleep at around 3:30am.

can i just say that i absolutely loathe alarm clocks from the bottom of my asshole? whoever invented it was evil as all hell. i particularly hated this morning's alarm which went off at 5:30am because c had to go to work really early this morning. i dreaded the thought of not being able to fall back asleep, but as soon as c got up, i spread out as far as my body could stretch as i invaded the entire queen size bed and slept like a motherfuckingbaby for a whole hour and fifteen minutes.

i'm so exhausted right now i could cry. i think we need a new bed. finding a comfortable position to fall asleep has been difficult lately. and it doesn't help that i'm extremely claustrophobic and c has a habit of venturing onto my side of the bed more often than she'll ever admit. i hate to say this but i think i need a king size bed all to myself. maybe i'll get one of those sleep number beds or the ones made of nasa space material or whatever the hell it is that conforms to the shape of your body...

i don't know... who am i kidding.. i suppose i really do need a new bed... but that doesn't even begin to explain the mental traffic jam last night. perhaps i really just have a lot on my mind and need to bring them to the forefront of my consciousness.

at any rate, i've scheduled a 60 minute massage for 5:15pm today. and i fully intend on falling asleep while colleen works my back with those small, strong hands of hers.

now that i think about it, i really like title of this blog... a "mental traffic jam" of thoughts... i don't think i could have described it more accurately.

a mental traffic jam of thoughts. thankyougoodbye.