brace yourself...

my teeth are jacked up. so says my dentist. well, not all of them.. just a select few.

i hate when you go to the dentist with one issue and come out with 12. i mean.. after my tooth extraction in december, i figured all i had to do was get a bridge to close the grand canyon gap in the back left side of my mouth, but i wanted to wait until i got back from vacation to do it. but then i got lazy. so in the meantime, i've been chewing all of my food almost exclusively on the right side of my mouth... until of course my right jaw starting hurting in the middle of the night a couple of nights in a row. so armed with my layman's understanding of dentistry i concluded that i probably needed to go ahead and get that bridge so i could go back to chewing on both sides like normal human beings.

so i went to the dentist this morning (a new dentist at that, because i hated the guy i went to before) and after doing a full set of 18 x-rays and a physical check of my teeth and gums, he pretty much dismissed the chewing factor as the reason behind my jaw aches. he said that my bite was off, and probably has been for years and years and that the only way to fix that would be to get.. (yikes!!) braces. he'd have to do some work on a few cavity-ridden teeth first before i go to the orthodontist, but it could happen as soon as the middle of this year.

now, truth be told, my shit should've been in braces back in the stone age when i was a teenager. but i never really cared. my parents sort of didn't care either, and i guess i don't blame them entirely.. only a little bit though.. cuz i mean, what the fuck do i know about scheduling regular dental check ups when i'm a teenager?! i'm pretty sure i had way more important things on my mind at the time.. like how to score a duran duran poster in exchange for a glow in the dark pen, for instance.

but that's ok. i suppose it's far better to get braces at the age of 32 when i'm secure and stable and not worried about public opinion, rather than as an immature, self-conscious teen. i mean.. fuck it.. if tom cruise can do it, then so can i dammit!

but maaaan, braces and psoriasis? all the ladies will be lining up to get a piece of me.. i can just see it right now!

perhaps i should scope out a girlfriend before the braces come in (shh.. don't tell anyone i said that!). then if she leaves me after i get braces i can blame her for being trifling and superficial! ;)